First week and all

Just when I thought I am a strong, willed, and independent woman, the nature had tested my resilience and I ended up crying on my first week stay in Manila over an… electric fan.

Last Sunday (June 2), despite the happiness and lively atmosphere brought by the feast/fiesta celebration, I had to hurriedly leave Batangas to fix my things in Manila because, as you know, the next day would be the start of my formal review in CPAR.

My first week was okay, except that I broke my dorm mate’s electric fan in my FIRST NIGHT there. My clumsiness was overwhelming and cute that I cannot compute my stupidity anymore. Come Friday, I decided to attend the mass at Quiapo before going home (yay). Along with me were Grace and Kaye, who I asked to join me in finding that broken elisi. However, as we journeyed through the crowded Quiapo, and long-long patience under the heat, the EVO Bond, which we ended up using to fix the fan, accidentally “tumalsik” at Kaye’s eyes. WHAT A LUCK WE HAVE. After washing with cold water, we decided to go home (dorm) to have Kaye’s eye check by the doctor. Thankfully, there’s a hospital in front of CPAR.

After many hours, fortunately there’s no problem or whatsoever that happened to Kaye’s eye. According to the doctor, they are actually using these kind of bonds when lacerating (? sorry I’m not quite sure about this procedure) so it’s not really bad.

We were able to officially leave Manila at five o’clock.

I feel sorry for everyone. I’ve been bothering people every now and then. First, it was Inteng who accompanied me last Sunday because I cannot remember the exact place of our dorm. Although people tell me that’s okay, they will never understand the feeling of bothering people.

Second to Geo. Last Monday, we went to market because I have to buy certain things and storage box (we have no cabinet/closet). I have to dragged her out of her supposed peaceful afternoon because I do not know how to get there alone.

Third, to Denise. I broke her electric fan.

Fourth and mostly to Kaye and Grace. They also went with me last Monday, then, as I told, last Friday. I wish I know the places there so I can be alone doing personal errands alone. Sigh.

When I arrived home last night, I gathered all my strength to be okay still. But I ended up crying all night and was not able to eat supper because I’m causing problems everywhere. My mama got upset when I told her the incident about that electric fan. I cannot blame her. I hate myself, too.

Next week, I promise to become more, more, more careful. I’ll try to become real independent. Sigh.

I’m still looking forward for positive weeks ahead. I know, I can do it. CPA2013 Bound!

“The harder the struggle, the more glorious the triumph”. 

I will not forget the optimistic Mary Glee Gretchen A. Alday!

CPA Bound!

Those who are crazy enough to think they can change the world usually do.  (Steve Jobs)

 

See you in a week, Manila!  2013, let’s do this right!!

Say What

I am temporarily abandoning ALL of my internet activities/accounts to fully focus on the upcoming board exam this October. However, I hope that they can wait for me and hug me with open arms when we meet again. I promise to give and do my best, so, when we reunite once again it would be the happiest moment! Lol.

Before anything else, let me thank the following websites/series for spending their April days with me…

NERD MODE ON
ヾ(＠⌒▽⌒＠)ﾉ

1. Dramabeans

You are so far my favorite pastime among the internet sites around the web world. I guess, I have spent a lot of time reading Korean drama recaps, laughing at the hilarity of the recappers’ (javabeans, girlfriday, etc) word playing, cursing the worst endings, and ending up crushed and a little bit lost when my favorite character dies/ends up alone. And, I would look forward to more second-lead-syndrome in the future. Thank you for consoling my soul during those times when I opted to stay alone in my little world than to mingle with some people in a world that is full of complexity. *rolls eyes* Let’s see each other after six months!

2. Youtube

Heyy! We’ve been friends for a few weeks now. Though it was not in my personality to wait for a series to load (thanks to our superrrrrrrr fast internet; sarcasm forever), I have surpassed this (in)ability due to my sudden interest on some K-pop! Haha (But, it’s CN Blue and FT Island) Detective Conan appears to be on my priority list but the Korean music videos are sooooooooo cute that I can’t help but stare at them  (I have no choice since I don’t understand them). Yay!! Super yay! And wait till I have all the time in the world because Dramacrazy would be my next stop.

3. Facebook/twitter

I have wanted to abandon these long, long time ago. However, my disappearance would mean the photos I posted would vanish along with me. But mama, and some of my relatives abroad would miss these pictures. So, I will just let my account exist.

4. Everything else including wordpress & tumblr

We will see each other soon. Don’t worry.

XOXO

Me

Happy! 

Let’s just say my vanity strikes again. (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ Oh well. I have no other business here aside from posting this photo. Haha!

 

 

Future, Among Other Things

Song of the day:  Lovely Day by Park Shin-Hye

“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.”

-Haruki Marukami, Kafka on the shore

I always imagine myself growing old like the ajummas around my place. You know, the usual people in their mid-50′s who keep on talking about other people’s lives behind their backs, ridiculing their mistakes, and insulting their intelligence with all the flaws that fortunately (in a sarcastic tone I hope you hear) the world has known to exist.

What frightens me, actually, is that even now in my 20′s, what’s to be expected in my mid-50′s is unfortunately happening right before my eyes. The world continues to corrupt my mind, and I would admit that it’s hurting my brain because I cannot fathom how people like to brush their noses on other people’s business. Let me rephrase that with “why don’t they mind their own lives, instead?”. What adds more insult to injury is the probability that these people must have consumed most of their time pointing at other’s dirt that they forgot to wash their own faces. Talk about hypocrisy.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Just a while ago, I had a very nice conversation with one of my closest friend, Ara. I owe it to that creepy thing from tumblr. lol

In a few months, she’ll be flying off to reach for her dreams. I was truly happy, but genuinely sad that we will be continents apart. Nevertheless, I wish that my happiness would reach her because at this moment, I am so glad that finally, one of my friends’ dreams are coming to reality!

Since everyone else is making their best effort to do whatever it takes to reach for their stars, I think those things had purposely happened right before my eyes for me to understand that not everything comes easy. First, dream. Second, do something about your dream. Third, savor the success.

I admit that my promised to give my 100% is still on the verge of losing its very purpose of passing the board with flying colors. Maybe I am also a little bit crazy to think of dreaming this crazy dream, but that’s what dreams are for, right? This madness, I think, is what’s keeping me awake even in the wee hours of the night. Probably, my conscience had since cooperating with me from the day I realized that my 2013 bucket list includes passing the board with flying colors. Technically, it’s bothering me because my soul knows what my  heart desires, and it understands that to achieve this silly dream, I must strive harder than ever. Like ever.

It’s important to have the ability to distinguish between impossible and possible. All you need is the mental strength to follow through, and an inability to give up, and things will work out. (Itazura na Kiss)

My mind transported me from my suppressed memories  that I thought I had already accepted in the past. However, as I look back and make a shift view from then to now, I realized that my effort back then was so futile that I was almost a step away from all the success that I was supposed to have, but, my mediocre habit of doing things snatched those realities.For example…

1. During high school, I was almost included in the “achievers’ list” had I made an extra effort.. My first quarter grade was 84 point something (rounding up would, however, make it 84 still). I was the in the non-achiever’s first place…

2. During my second year in college, I almost passed Finone, had I studied better.. I received a 2.75 grade. In order to pass, one must have 2.50 as their lowest.

3. During college (in general), I almost graduated with distinction, if only I did not slack in my minor subjects which could have resurrect my dying major’s grades. I guess my GWA is 1.78-1.80 something. You have to gracefully exit with at least 1.75 GWA to have that award.

4. During college, I was even considered to become an Editor-in-Chief which sir Bruce told me during the Gawad Mamamahayag (LAVOXA Graduation Rites) had I shown more passion and commitment at press work.

2013 will be the best year!

… And now, it hit me right in to my heart because all these time, I was one heck of an idiot to ignore these opportunities that I once had for some stupider reasons which I think are all illogical and nonsense. I have said it a million times, but I will tell it one more time: I don’t regret anything.. But I don’t see a point why I would choose the road I usually traveled in the past. I like to look at a better view. Maybe, just this once, I like to prove myself that I can do better than this. That, somehow, even the most impossible thing can be done through hard work and optimism.

I remember one time during our Algebra class in high school, I was really stupid when it comes to mathematical computations. I loathed math and its complexity but at the same time, fascinated by its logical approach that I dare to answer the equation problem written by my teacher on the board. For the math geniuses that were classmates, of course, no sweat would be needed. However, my ability to answer simple equations really sucks and me answering that was one big thing for me. My teacher told as I raised my hand bravely, “Yan ang gusto ko kay Miss Alday, malakas ang loob”— right then, I knew I am not nothing at all. Thank God, I have this thick-faced, and my optimism is intact. I wish to bring positive vibrant with me as I start to seriously review for the board exam. I have few months left. No joke this time. No ‘almost’.

I will make sure that this will be my best year. ♥

Thoughts

After reading dramabeans’ recap on My Name is Kim Sam Soon, it dawns to me how her life is a little bit the same with mine (minus the age; Kim Sam Soon is at her 30′s).

Song of the day: Kiss Me by G.NA :>

I am turning 22 this year which means, I am four years passed the 18-year-old-legal-age-eligibility-stage. But still, in retrospect, I have nothing to ponder of… except of course my academic memories, which by the way, are tragic (see posts tagged as Academics to understand why). I know, these are all part of the obstacles in shaping my life, and I have accepted it long time ago. :-) However, other than some misfortunes on my Accounting undergrad life (Board Exam on October!!!), I see nothing else. Where’s the supposed colorful life that they promise to experience in the 20s? While I may look like I’m complaining, to tell the truth, I am not.. It’s a rhetorical question and I hope to understand this.

Sometimes, I find myself longing for something. I don’t know what that thing is, but all I know is that it frustrates me to infinite. thanks Accounting books– I have better things to divert my attention with.

ANNNNNNNNNYWAY…. I’m probably just nervous for the upcoming board exam. Apparently, sir Reg cannot accommodate us this summer for an in-house review which tells us that we should strive HARDER ON OUR OWN. gasps air* i’m nervous! Ah, board exam!

Alternative gifts that would move that woman

Either you’re in a relationship, or is about to burst your overwhelming confession to your one true love, it’s nice and sweet of you to surprise your woman from time to time. (Oh, goodness gracious, talk about me being random!)

Though it’s not my entire business to meddle with petty issues such as gifts to people in a relationship, it somehow tires me up (& I got a little bit sick) to see people who’re (ooops, sorry for being too damn lazy) uncreative enough to just stick with the usual teddy bears and bouquet  of malaysian mumps (okay fine, rose) to give. Wait. First and foremost, I am not bitter or whatever hatred stuffs accusations you can think of. I am just a filthy concern citizen who likes to rub her nose on stuffs that do not really concern me. But, can’t you see? I am just here to help you guyz.  Come on, dude. A little bit of help won’t hurt. :)

Okay, the long speech must end… These are not really new or creative enough, but at least I tried helping you.. Welcome!

1. Flowers in a pot/basket

Okay.. I know these are still flowers. But imagine giving her a basket of flowers (for reference, Shin Woo’s supposedly gift to Go Mi Nam in You’re Beautiful)..  or seeds planted in a pot without telling her the name of the flower/plant. Let her guess and wait.. and tell her some sweet and sincere words from you heart :)

2. HANDWRITTEN LETTERS

I have to capitalize this for emphasis. Love letters must be handwritten no matter what. Fine, it’s already 21st century, but nothing beats the classic love letter written  personally by your soulmate (or darling or babe or honey or..). Please, facebook wall post, message, tweet, IM, DM, SMS, MMS, or whatever kind of technology won’t make her feel wonderful than writing her on a piece of paper. :) Believe me. Every woman will jump for joy after reading your letters no matter chic-y your girl could be.

3. Harana

Hello Filipino readers! (Just in case).. I’m saying harana in a literal way here… as in go to her house and sing or perform or put your band over there and sing!! Why? It’s not lousy as you think. It’s waaaaaaay better than framing her up in a crowded place (i.e. school) to confess your undying love. hello! her parents, siblings, and all other relatives could be possibly there (just don’t attempt this beyond 8 pm, promise!) If you’re sincere enough… although, yeah, school’s not bad either.. but goodluck to the stiff discipline officers! XD

4. Picnic/ Camping/Stargazing

What’s romantic without this stuff? If you’re used to bring your woman over fancy restos, it’s time to buy some nice mats and cute plates and *puppy eyes* your mom to teach you how to cook decent meals.. Yah, you cook. I swear, your woman would instantly post your date on instagram! Haha #sweetromanticcuteboyfriend

Alright! I guess, these four attempts are not bad given that I was technically single all my life. *Read between the lines* But, I hope, I sincerely wish that these would somehow help… I like to see cute couples! It makes me feel like I am in love, too. Haha But my heart desires no one now except Lee Jong Hyun and Yoon Shi Yoon <3 Xoxo

Graduation

Sorry, I reaaaaaaaally sucked at giving title in my posts. Anyway, I’m officially annoyed with this laptop. It can’t be used as instructed. Double G RR. This needs total make-over as in havabaluza reformat ASAP!

Okay. Chill, Glee.

Congratulations! *throws confetti* *drum rolls*

I am a college graduation now!! Whatchasay?

No grand entrance or whatsoever because my family (minus mama who’s abroad working) attended the graduation silently. As in no celebration after. As in my father and siblings just sat at the bleachers for 3 full hours (sadly because I was not an awardee; thus my parents need not to come on stage). To say it briefly, I was just a graduate… BUT myself won’t let my other self belittle my self again (I hope I make sense). Rather than disappointing myself and other self all over again, I decided to take that as a challenge instead. GRR. I NEED FULL REDEMPTION. Way to go, sis! *Fighting!*

So, what does a college graduate feel?

Mama asked this question repeatedly! As in every time we talk via skype, she’ll ask me this.. My response, however, is the same, “Nothing changes, yet, I guess”. That’s the truth since the whole graduation rites have not yet sinking in me… or so I think.

12 days have already passed.. And I’m glued at korean dramas! Yay. No, actually I’ve just watched three dramas, the rest, well, I’m thanking myself for discovering dramabeans because though the posts are for recaps, it feels like I’m actually watching for real. Dramabeans & co is so cool!

Moving on..

While the sun is surely uncool about warming the country ridiculously, I have started drowning myself a little bit with accounting reviewers. Hey! It’s April already and the truth of the matter is that I have only 6 months, more or less to prepare my self for the October board exam!! My goodness! Just the thought of the words board exam makes my heart flutter. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Anyway, April is soooo hot..

For now, my focus is on the upcoming board exam. Nothing else! Oh, except Yoon Shi Yoon, Lee Hongki, Jan Geung Suk, Lee Jong Yun, FT ISLAND, and CN BLUE all of whom make my heart beats faster <3 <3 <3 I think I’m inlove!!!

First Quarter Recap

I want to sleep! But, I know that the moment I close this laptop, my mind will start to wander again. That’s why, wordpress, hug me please… That’s the best thing I can have now.

**FT Island’s Severely as background song. FT Island is the first korean band that made my heart jumped for joy (no joke). Lee Hongki has this amazing voice! You have to hear it yourself (via youtube only, sadly). “I wish”, their first video that I was able to watch was seriously damn beautiful! Gash!!! I’m so inlove with their songs. love love love**

There are certain things that I like to share.

January 26.  This was the first time I joined CJA @ DLSU. It’s basically a sort of press conference for all the Lasallians in the Philippines. But of course, given the geographical location, most participants only include the nearby cities in Luzon. But.. It was the first time I won something outside the school. And what’s more surprising to my part was that I won two awards. I know my skills (& limitations), but somehow, I realized I might just be undervaluing myself.  But I was really happy! Besides the cash prize, it helped me build my confidence. Thank you Lavoxa for the opportunity!!

February 13. I bought a new cellphone!! Nokia 7610, RIP :( You’ve been good to me. Thank you for the almost seven years of service. If only the back light didn’t tear, probably, we’re still together. But some things have to be changed. For example, I’m loving my new phone because I could easily save songs (FT Island) & transfer photos. Tehee. & I could easily download Lee Min Ho and Yoon Shi Yoon’s photos. :> Yoon Shi Yoon is my crush!!!

February 16/17. Mockboard. I have to include these despite the disappointing grades that I got. This made me realized that I have a lot of things to study to pass the board exam this October. I am so willing to study harder! Another thing, I have to stay healthy because during the second day, I was vomiting at LCC’s rest room! Gosh. I was so sick when I took the harder subjects.

March 07. Gawad Mamahayag. This was when the most unexpected things were told to me by sir Bruce. Gawad Mamahayag is the official graduation (no extravagant ceremonies though) for the graduating Lavoxans. I have observed it for the last four years. I was not really sad, to be honest. How could I say something like ‘I would miss all of them’ after graduation when I know myself that I have not been an active Lavoxan during my time?  The best thing to say was I somehow (which is true) regret not being active because I’ve looked at them and they are really, really close to each other…

Then, it was sir Bruce’s time to say something about us. Tehee. I was not expecting something since I was always out of sight. I was actually imagining sir to be saying stuffs like, as he is really nice, he would remember as someone who smiles and loves to observe people at the pub.. Hahaha But, it was more than that. Swear. I was not prepared to hear sir bruce saying better things than what I have imagined. I could never forget his first statement: “Si Glee, magaling. Magaling si Glee.” I smiled! Who wouldn’t smile? Then I whispered, “maganda din!”. Hahaha I was really trying to redeem myself since I know sir Bruce has nothing more to say. But, sir continued with… “Actually naconsider ko syang editor. As in Editor-in-chief”. And I was like, SIR WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Of course, more than happiness, I was really dumbfounded! Saan napulot ni sir yon? But, sir Bruce was saying other things, sort of, “nakitaan ko sya na alam kong pede sa Editor-in-chief. Actually, I want to be honest with you. Sa twing sinasabi kong maging madalas dapat sa Lavoxa/pub, I was referring to her. Kaya lang, maybe ang priority talaga eh Acadademics which is good naman talaga… blablabla…” In short, ako pala daw yung sinasabihan ni sir na mag-lagi lagi sa Lavoxa. Sir, ako po ay officially manhid talaga (based on experience). Sir Bruce justified that even he considered me to be an EIC, of course, he wants to be fair to all those people who are more committed to me.. Seriously? Sir Bruce believed in me? Huhuhuhu I can’t believe it.

To be honest, there’s a part of me that ‘regret’, but it’s only .01% (I know my academic status though, and that’s my priority). But more than that, I was so happy to know that there’s one person who thought highly on me. Wow. That was really amazing! I have always doubted myself. Always, always looked at myself lowly, but then, there’s sir Bruce who considered me to hold a high position as EIC! WHO? WHY? HOW? I want to ask sir. But, let’s leave the mystery unsolved. But really? I always say that I have no skill to showoff, but sir told me I was good. Huhu Sir Bruce!!

March 07, probably is my turning point. Maybe, I have to hear the ‘commitment’ stuffs from other people to make me realize what I lack. I lack this passion to excel. I always settle to a certain ‘good’ level, of which goodness is so damn low. I fear success. I always hold back, afraid that people would say something (yah, I feel that, welcome to my world) about me (in case I make something better). Maybe, this EIC thing was meant to pass in my life. But, maybe, this also signals something better to claim in the future. Maybe, it was meant to teach me a lesson that whatever skill (if there is) you have is never enough. It won’t compare to those people who are more passionate, more sincere, and more positive than the less-than-100%-effort I give. Thank you, Sir Bruce for the heart-warming words. Thank you!

March 29.  This was when I first heard of FT Island (through You’re Beautiful series). I won’t regret it!! I already downloaded some of their songs. I wish my phone would cooperate because I’m dying to save music videos to watch in the future. Tehee. :”> Lee Hongki!

So……. in the future, I’ll try to update more (or not to be emotionally unstable) so I won’t be piled up with a lot of things to say.. For now, I have to sleep. I have to check on my nail polish later. Hihi XOXO

Dear Graduation

The day after tomorrow, I will be marching (finally) with the rest of my batch mates (yay for 2013 group!) at exactly 2:45 in the afternoon. Graduation, as what I have imagined is supposed to be  grand in the sense that my emotions were to outburst joyfully. However, two days before I can officially wear my toga, I still feel incomplete, unease, and unfortunately, sad. How ungrateful student am I. But, that’s how my mind keeps me from sleeping peacefully for the last two weeks.

I try my best to transcribe whatever emotions I’m actually feeling as of the moment. Though, however I try to dig my inner self, I still find an infinite loop that leads me to nothing. Whatever happened to me in the last days? Well, you can say my life has been in a serious combat of doing (or not) things, saying (or not) stuffs, and making sense (hopefully).

A lot (lot, lot, lot) of people have been constantly bothering me (in my mind & in real life). LOL. You know what, sometimes, I find it hilarious to experience these things. I just want to sleep peacefully! Why is it so hard to have such kind of simple things these days?

TVC Alert: (I’M SO HAPPY TO MEET FT ISLAND SPECIALLY LEE HOKING <3)

Some of my friends have dispute(s). I made it plural to be sure. Why is it so hard to keep whatsoever friendship we had built during our freshman and sophomore years? Arr. Now, I’m seeing why I can’t sleep! I want to be sad, to be so, so, so sad. But as I see it, people (me) are (is) better off without them (you).  lol. What a life. Though, deep inside… but yeah, maybe, that’s better.

I have self-issues all over again. Darn. Pwede bang mag-upgrade naman ako ng problema? Yung problema ng teenager (i.e. lovelife). Hayyy

Despite all of these, there’s this one person who unexpectedly brought hope to my life (lol). SIR BRUCE! (I have to make a separate post for this because it is so damn special. Really, really special for my dying self confidence. He redeemed my self-esteem. I want to cry. )

So, back to graduation jitters…You know those kinds of stress reliever (besides praying)? Well of course, thanks to KOREAN SERIES for uplifting my spirit and soul once again. I have been avoiding people (literally) because I realized I was not in the right mind to talk to others. I still have this disturbed mind to actually have a real conversation. The least that I can do is to talk via facebook & it’s as long as the topic/status concerns Lee Min Ho, Faith (Kdrama), Flower Boy Next Door, Flower Boy Ramyun Shop,  You’re Beautiful, Tae-Kyung, FT Island, and Lee Hongki plus miscellaneous topics who have no real/direct concern about other people’s private businesses. Yeah. I love to mind my own business from now on because some people are overly sensitive and I do not want those kind of people in my life. Arr. I’m still mad.

In observance of Holy Week, I pondered and sincerely think of what’s wrong with me. However, I was afraid I’m not yet ready to forget some things. Too painful. Sigh. I’m reading Bianca Gonzales’ blog and I feel bad because I can’t be as inspiring as her. Another deep sigh* I want to inspire people, but I know that as long as there’s a big torn in my heart, I cannot, however willing I might appear, give the love that I want to give to other people. I hope time heals whatever hole there’s in my heart..

Oh, graduation… Why do you have to make me feel like this?